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In May 2002, approximately
seventy-five members of Bereaved Families of
Ontario – Toronto, attended a dedication
service for our “Healing Garden”.
Since then, as news about the Garden has spread
to other members, people have been asking how
the Garden came to be.
Several years ago, we began
the quest to have a garden in one of the city
parks. We are now on our way to achieving our
dream – a garden in the middle of our
community, located at the Duplex Parkette, near
Yonge and Lawrence.
Each year we hold our “Child’s
Tree of Light” ceremony at City Hall.
Approximately 600 people attend this event.
An evergreen tree with white doves, representing
those who have died, is displayed for the month
of December, to help bereaved family members
cope with the difficult holiday season. In the
past, a Candlelight Service of Remembrance has
been held at the Columbus Centre, as another
memorial to those who have died.
Spring comes and while there
is joy in the renewing of the earth, bereaved
families continue to deal with the pain and
sorrow of death. A garden is a living thing,
a thing that can be created and nurtured; a
place which will accept a part of you, a part
of your loss. As well, a garden is a universal
symbol, reflecting the diversity of the peoples
of Toronto. Three of the other BFO affiliates
have gardens: Pembroke, Orillia and Peterborough.
The Garden will be a place
for those who have lost loved ones to meditate
and be in touch with their loss(es). It will
be a place where BFO members may spend their
time to cultivate the earth and heal their pain.
We will welcome members of the Toronto community
to share our garden and experience its healing
attributes. At our site, in the Duplex Parkette,
there exists a Linden tree, which will be the
focus of the garden. It will be lit, and eventually
a plaque will be installed describing BFO and
our garden.
BFO-Toronto has established
a garden committee, composed of bereaved family
members and the funeral industry. We have been
given permission, by the City of Toronto, to
install a garden at the site and have begun
negotiations with the City staff to implement
the conceptual design. A copy of this is available
for members to see, at the BFO-Toronto Office.
We welcome more members to our committee as
we begin the implementation phase. We need individuals
who would welcome an opportunity to work the
earth, to see growing things grow, and to develop
an environment for healing and meditation. Please
call, Laura, at the BFO-Toronto Office, at 416-440-0290
ext.12, for more information or to offer your
services.
BFO members of the garden committee
are Janet Wilson, Anita Ahrens, Betty Fitzpatrick,
Jan Gilmer, Kathleen McDermott, Margaret McGovern,
and Michelle Varlese. Michael Didulka, a landscape
designer from the funeral industry and Patrick
O’Neill from Lytton Park Residents’
Association complete the present group.
25th Anniversary Reunion Dinner
Thursday May 1, 2003
Mark your calendars. It is going to be
a great evening.
Cocktail reception, multi-course dinner
Guest speaker, entertainment
Start putting your group together. Tables
for 8 and 10.
Details of ticket sales in next newsletter.
Reunion Dinner Committee
Jean Bickley
Margaret Koenig
Valerie Cribben
Emily Parker
Wendy Dean
Audrey Watson
Gene
and Elaine Vayda
Adrienne Vance
Janet Wilson
Grief
is…
Like a flower in the breeze
Wilting
Receptive petals
Beckoning
An unexpected angel.
Like a child
Defying the womb
Unruly nature
Distressing
The would-be mother.
Like a storm at sea
Turbulent
Crashing waves
Racing
The once placid tide.
Like a pretty girl
With sad eyes
Tears
Chasing
Happiness away.
By Laura Jones
United
Way Campaign Can Benefit BFO
Your United Way contribution
can make a difference to Bereaved Families. This
Fall the United Way campaign will again be the
focus of attention for many individuals, corporations,
employee groups and other people who care about
making our community a better place to live. In
fact, many people make a donation to United Way’s
annual campaign, through their workplace or a
regular payroll deduction.
Most of you know that Bereaved
Families is not a United Way member agency. However,
we are eligible to receive funds from United Way,
provided the donor designates their donation specifically
to Bereaved Families of Ontario-Toronto.
To those who already take advantage
of this option, at United Way, we send our sincere
thanks. To those who may consider this a new way
of supporting both United Way and Bereaved Families
of Ontario-Toronto, we thank you for your support.
Wishing you the best,
cause every day in every way
you make life that much better.
“A Mother’s love will warm your
heart
gladden your feelings
and make you smile
A Mother’s love is always worthwhile.”
Not just today but everyday throughout the
year
You’re there to be a friend
A wise counsellor, a voice
Of reason, and a source
Of love.
For all the good you do
This whole day is just for
You!
Love John
Submitted by Betty Ann Abbott
Please Ask
Someone asked me about you
today.
It's been so long since anyone has done
that.
It felt so good to talk about you,
to share my memories of you,
to simply say your name out loud.
She asked me if I minded talking about
what happened to you —
or would it be too painful to speak of it.
I told her I think of it every day
and speaking about it helps me to release
the tormented thoughts whirling around in
my head.
She said she never realized the pain
would last this long.
She apologized for not asking sooner.
I told her, "Thanks for asking."
I don't know if it was curiosity
or concern that made her ask,
But told her, "Please do it again sometime
—
soon."
— Barbara Taylor
Hudson
In
Memoriam
Michelle
A. Abbassian
Brent Wayne Arnold
David Churchill
Daniel Churchill
Johanna Marie Goldthorpe
Philip
Grief
Peter Kljajic
Ayo Lawal
Tunde Lawal
David Macedo
Damond Marinelli
Louise McDermott
Stephen McDermott
Ian Phelan
Kathy Lambert-Phelan
Robert Powell
Franz Rotman
Nicholas Scolozzi
Lisa Shore
Justin Smith
Ilona Tora
Michael Volpe
To create
an online memorial to your loved one, visit
our new website at www.bfotoronto.ca
Congratulations!
To Board Member Michelle Varlese who married Tony
Fox in early September! In celebration of their
union and in lieu of wedding favours, a donation
was made on behalf of their guests to Bereaved
Families of Ontario- Toronto. “It is our
hope that through this gift, others may find happiness,
peace and harmony.”
Happiness is not something
you get but something you give.
Anthony Darren and Michelle Fox
Banking Volunteer
BFO-Toronto has an opportunity
for someone to volunteer a few hours a week to
prepare our bank deposits. You will work with
our wonderful team of finance volunteers, Elizabeth
and Kay, along with staff, to ensure timely and
accurate preparation of our bank deposits, statutory
remittances (i.e.: cheque to Revenue Canada) and
processing of credit card donations. You bring
some financial experience, attention to detail
and high level of commitment to this very important
volunteer role in the organization. Training and
support will be provided. If you are interested,
please contact Betty Ann Rutledge, Coordinator
of Volunteer Programs at 416-440-0290 ext. 11
or email barutledge@bfotoronto.ca.
Looking Forward to 2003…Opportunities
for new Facilitators/Advisors
Do you remember when you came
to BFO and met with someone for the first time?
For most of you, you’ll never forget the
warmth and support of the bereaved volunteer that
spent time with you. Listening, empathizing and
reassuring you that you were not alone. I’ve
heard our BFO volunteers described as “beacons
of hope” because they are here to light
the way for the newly bereaved and to say, “You
will survive this.” It’s an incredible
gift that we give to one another as bereaved people.
We are looking for more volunteers
to be trained as group facilitators and to be
those beacons of hope to bereaved parents, young
adults, youth and children. We are particularly
hoping to recruit new volunteers for our Infant
Loss program as well as Professional
Advisors to work in our Children’s
and Adolescent’s programs. We have
added an evening to the four-day training program
and moved it up a bit in the year. The dates are
as follows: Thursday, January 30 (evening)
and four full days: Saturday, February 1, Saturday,
February 8, Saturday, February 22 and Saturday,
March 1, 2003.
If you have any questions about
how to get involved with BFO-Toronto as a volunteer,
please get in touch with me at 416-440-0290 ext.
11 or email barutledge@bfotoronto.ca.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Warm Regards,
Betty Ann Rutledge
Coordinator of Volunteer Programs
Employee Volunteer Grant Program
In 1999 Royal Bank
Financial Group launched its Employee
Volunteer Grants Program to recognize
employees for the good work they do in their
personal time, by volunteering in their
communities. Employees earn grants up to
$500 each for the charitable
organization at which they volunteer. In
July we received such a grant, courtesy
of Arleen Farnum’s
volunteer involvement with BFO.
When asked about her work with BFO, Arleen
commented, “To me, giving is love.
BFO-Toronto and their volunteers give freely
of themselves, their time and energy to
share in another’s loss. I feel fortunate
to be part of this organization of giving,
sharing, learning and camaraderie. I am
truly thankful to RBC Financial Group for
this opportunity that is offered to their
employees to give back, and I encourage
everyone to participate in giving your time
to help others through Volunteer Grant Programs”.
Thank you Arleen Farnum and RBC Financial!
Autumn approaches,
and the Harvest Festival is observed throughout
the Chinese world. My 4-year old granddaughter,
Sarah explains the story to me. “You eat
moon cakes, Grandma, and you look at the moon
and think of someone you love who is far away
and looking at the same moon, and is thinking
of you. I am thinking of my birth mother who lives
far away in China and of my forever mother who
lives with me in Canada, and I am surrounded by
their love. You can think of your mother, Grandma,
‘cause even though she is dead her love
still surrounds you”.
Such wisdom from one so young.
Submitted by Jean Bickley
Bereaved Parent Volunteer
Tree of Light –
Thursday December 5, 2002
Watch for information in the mail and on the website
about how to register your loved ones name on
the tree
Know someone who is
celebrating a special birthday,
anniversary, graduation or other auspicious
event or milestone? Not sure how to recognize
it appropriately?
Let the dedicated volunteers at BFO personalize
your message on a beautiful card, mail it directly
to the individual or individuals and, at the same
time, make a donation to this worthy organization.
Whomever answers the phone will carefully record
all the necessary information and transcribe it
beautifully onto a tastefully selected blank greeting
card.
Although we generally associate donations to
BFO “in memory of…”, recognizing
an achievement or event in this fashion, will
be overwhelmingly appreciated by the recipient.
Bravo…..BFO! You are indeed, a class act!
Sheila Clemens
Holiday Greeting Cards
With the holiday season quickly approaching,
BFO-Toronto is honoured to introduce our
holiday greeting card. The Greeting Card
was created to provide a sensitive and meaningful
way of sending special seasonal messages.
All proceeds allow Bereaved Families to
continue offering support programs and services
free of charge.
Show your support this holiday season by
sending a gift that will truly make a difference
in the lives of those who have experienced
a loss.
The Greeting Cards are on display in the
BFO-Toronto office and on our website, 10
cards and envelopes for $12.00 (tax included).
To order cards or for more information
call Adrienne or Laura at (416) 440-0290.
The Connections Project
Work on our Connections Project – Phase
I, began during the summer when we conducted an
evaluation of our programs. A huge thank
you goes out to all those members who were able
to complete the mailed out questionnaire and answer
the telephone survey. We also greatly appreciate
the volunteers, who took more time out of their
busy schedules, to assist in the telephone interviews.
The response was good and the feedback received
will help us to better understand what we need
to do, to improve our services and support to
bereaved families. Watch out for more specific
details of the program evaluation in our next
newsletter. I also want to reiterate, that the
questionnaires were completely anonymous, so if
any of you asked questions on the returned form,
please call the office for a response to your
queries
Clinical Consultant
As some of you may know, we have not had a Clinical
Consultant on retainer, since mid-2001. In the
Spring of this year, PAC (Professional Advisory
Committee) made a decision to hire a Clinical
Consultant and for that position to be an “on-call”
or an “as needed” position. In order
to meet a variety of needs, we are now very pleased
to announce that we have hired five, on-call,
clinical consultants. The following is a short
biography of each one:
Agnes Struik, M.A., is a clinical member
of the Ontario Association of Psychotherapists
and is a registered expressive arts therapist.
She has facilitated children’s groups at
BFO-Toronto. Liana Lowenstein, M.S.W., R.S.W., C.P.T-S.,
is a children’s psychotherapist, who recently
volunteered her time, to train our facilitators
and advisors in the children’s program,
in the use of play therapy. She has authored several
publications on child psychotherapy. Muneeza Khimji, M.A. is a former Counselling
Therapist at the Aga Khan Hospital, in Kenya.
She has worked with people dealing with AIDS/HIV,
depression-related problems and bereavement. Mahboubeh Katirai, Ph.D (Cand.) is a
clinical member of the Ontario Society of Psychotherapists,
whose counselling and psychotherapy work has included
survivors of war, torture and abuse, dealing with
issues of loss, isolation and grief. Mary Paddon, M.A. A.A.M.F.T. has worked
in the mental health sector for over 12 years,
in Montreal and Victoria. Her 20 year career has
involved experience as a university lecturer,
family therapist, art psychotherapist and international
documentary broadcaster.
We feel very fortunate, especially
as we begin to outreach to a diversity of bereaved
people, to have such an extensive array of skills
and experience guiding us.
The Development Office
Adrienne Vance, our Development Officer, is completing
her M.S.W. degree and has requested a part-time
position. We have hired another part-time fundraiser,
Douglas Tanton who will concentrate on Annual
and Planned Giving, leaving Special Events and
Communications in Adrienne’s capable hands.
Student Placements
We have a student placement working with us this
Fall. Leslie Iancovitz is completing her M.S.W.
at York University, with a special focus on bereaved
youth. Part of her work with BFO will include
outreach to schools and co-facilitating adolescent
bereavement groups.
Strategic Planning Day for BFO members and volunteers
This newsletter is produced
for our members and supporters. Our newsletter
is available by mail and email.
We welcome submissions, please forward to Laura
Larsen (llarsen@bfotoronto.ca).
We reserve the right to edit items submitted for
publication
Bereaved Families of Ontario-Toronto
gratefully acknowledges
the financial support of
the Ontario Trillium Foundation.
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